So, Mum is going out to the first Parent- teacher meeting in 2009. This is where she will shout at the new Parent-Governor, Dexter's Dad, Dave Dooley about eating too many sweets and keeping his bungalows out of school. I am glad I am not there because she has also begun a class in Karate. The election has definitely brought out a difficult side to her.
Anyway, she has left me in charge of my brother, George. Actually she left Dad in charge of George but he is Very Busy making important modifications to my Scalectrix track and Cannot Be Disturbed.
'Come on, George,' I say, 'let's go upstairs and play with my Dick Tracy set.' This is what Grandpa Jack gave me for Christmas. He says he had to stop using it because there were complaints from the other residents in his, Home for Retired Gentlefolk. So now I've got it.
After Dad's major explosion last week, I am not taking any chances with being seen. George starts off the first step okay but then gets stuck.
'Wait a minute,' I say and run up stairs. I find my cat, Serena lolling about on my bed and carry her like a baby. She sits at the top of the stairs watching him struggle and saying nothing. George begins scaling the stairs like a mini James Bond. He is also giggling and stops every so often to point at Serena. He is in love with her. She is never impressed with him.
Just before he can grab her, she gets up and says, 'My work here is done,' and heads for the spare room. As soon as she is out of sight, George forgets about her and starts examining the carpet for cat bits.
'Are you ready for some target practise, George?' I whisper. 'You're the Evil Henchman and I'm Dick Tracy.'
I stand at the end of the landing and take aim with my tag dart gun. The Evil Henchman dribbles. The doorbell rings and the dart hits the wall. I reload. The Evil Henchman has picked up some bits from the floor and is eating them. I cannot wait for blood poisoning to take him out so I try a head shot.
'WILFRED!' Dad calls. 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?'
The dart lands on the bathroom door. Evil Henchman is holding arms up in pathetic surrender but I have no mercy.
Reload. Aim. Fire.
'GRANDPA JACK IS HERE!'
'Coming.' Yes. The dart has brought down the enemy. Another case solved.